


Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together

by Allamarain



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Meta, Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who), Ryan Sinclair Ships Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 04:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21009617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allamarain/pseuds/Allamarain
Summary: The Doctor gets some of her past selves together to form a band. What could possibly go wrong?Answer: Everything.





	Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together

**Author's Note:**

> This is, of course, Inspired by Jodie's performance of "Yellow". 
> 
> Title from _Phineas and Ferb_

Graham shielded his eyes from the sun as he waited for the TARDIS to appear. “She said noon, right?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” Ryan checked his phone. “Our backyard, noon today. Yaz, did you hear anything else from her?”

“Nothing.” She replied, looking up to the sky as if the TARDIS would appear there. “Wonder what her surprise is.”

It had been six weeks since they’d last traveled with the Doctor. She’d gone off on her own for a bit. At first they were all concerned, perhaps she’d gotten into something dangerous off-planet. She’d replied by text to say she was fine, just working on something. She couldn’t say what it was, only that it was a surprise and they were going to like it. So they’d gone about their lives, but they were all getting a bit restless with being back on Earth for so long. Traveling the universe was as addictive as any drug. 

“Maybe she’s brought back someone famous?” Ryan said.

“Oh! Maybe it’s our future selves!” Yaz replied. “Or some kind of amazing creature, like dragons!”

It was 12:15 and there was no sign of her. “How can she be late? She has a time machine!” Graham exclaimed. Ryan shrugged.

Then they heard the groaning, wheezing, wonderful sound of the TARDIS, and saw the faint outline of the blue box coming into existence. They collectively breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey fam!” The Doctor stepped out. “Ready to see my surprise?”

She led them through the TARDIS, through some corridors they didn’t recall seeing before. “This took a lot of tinkering and huge, huge amounts of energy, but I finally got everything working in the past few days. I can’t wait to show you!”

They finally arrived at a grey door. The Doctor flung it open to reveal four people amidst a stack of guitars, keyboards, microphones, and amplifiers.

“What’s all this?” Graham asked. “Who are they?”

“I’m starting a band!” The Doctor exclaimed. “With my past selves! An all-Doctor band!” Her grin was a mile wide. “I pulled my past selves out of their timelines, and I brought them here! That’s what took so long-very dangerous and difficult.”

“We’re going to be the most incredible musical act in the universe!” declared the man wearing a bowtie and fez. He was standing in front of an exceptionally long keyboard.

Graham tried to pick his jaw back up off the floor. He never knew what to expect when he was with the Doctor, but this seemed mundane for her. “Wait, Doc, what gave you the idea to start a band?”

“It was Yaz, actually,” she said. “She heard me singing in the shower a couple months ago, and said I had a lovely voice. I’m going to be the lead singer. Always wanted to be a lead singer.” She picked up the microphone and turned back to the fez-wearing man.

Ryan gave Yaz a curious look. “How did you hear the Doctor singing in the shower?” He’d long suspected something was going on between the two of them, but he’d never had proof. 

“Ohhh, just walking by. Overheard. You know how it is.” She gave a quick smile.

“All the rooms in the TARDIS are soundproofed. Including the bathrooms.” He pointed out. “Which means…you had to be in the bathroom with her. Or were you in the shower itself?” 

“I was not!” she put her hands on her hips. 

“How long have you been hooking up with her?” he smirked. 

“Nothing is happening!” she exclaimed.

“I knew it! I see the way you look at her! With all those longing stares.”

While they continued to bicker, Graham backed away. As far as he was concerned, whatever Yaz was or wasn’t doing with the Doctor was her business. He approached one of the strangers, a young black woman with curly hair. “So you’re the Doctor. Amazing. You look even younger than ours.”

“She’s not the Doctor, pudding brain,” spat the grey haired man in a Scottish accent. He turned to their Doctor. “Honestly, where do you find these humans?”

She shrugged. “Just dropped in on them.”

He harrumphed, and plugged a guitar into his amp. “Anyway, I’m the Doctor. Bill here is my groupie.”

“Umm, no!” she laughed. “Do you even know what that word means?”

“Are you doubting my street cred?” He spoke the last two words carefully, like a foreign language. “I was a founding member of the Sex Pistols.”

She laughed again. “It needs work, old man.” She turned to Graham. “I’m just a regular human. I got pulled out of the time stream along with him.” 

The small brunette, who had been previously sitting on a stack of amps, chimed in. “We’re along for the ride. Tends to happen, when you travel with the Doctor.” She jumped down and approached them. “Clara.”

“I’m Graham, and that’s Ryan and Yaz.” They all shook hands. 

“And you’re all with the female Doctor?” Clara asked. “How’s that?” 

“Don’t understand half the things she says, but other than that, pretty good.”

“Yeah, that’s normal.” Bill smiled. “I’m with the old man. He was my professor. Had him for two semesters and still have trouble following him.”

“I’m here with Eleven.” Clara said.

“Eleven?” he asked.

“Fez Boy.” she jerked a thumb toward him. “I’ve been in this situation before, and I’ve found it gets confusing to call them all Doctor. I call them by their regeneration number. I’ve seen all their faces. The old one is Twelve. Yours is Thirteen.” 

“Got it.” Graham said.”Is yours any good? At music, I mean.” 

“Yeah, he’s all right. Played a nice serenade for Marlene Dietrich once.” She smiled.

The three of them continued to make small talk until Twelve said, “Humans, shut up. We’re going to play a song for you now.” Ryan and Yaz stopped arguing and looked towards them. 

Thirteen picked up the microphone, and nodded to her other selves. “Are ya ready? One, two three…”

A blast of discordant sound came from the amplifiers. The humans covered their ears. “Make it stop!” shouted Graham over the noise. 

After a few bars, they stopped playing. “Dear God, what was that?” Bill asked. 

Thirteen stared at the microphone, as if a monster had crawled out of it. “Needs a little work, I suppose. We’ll keep rehearsin’ and get better.” 

They didn’t.

—

Graham startled awake and looked at his clock radio. It was 2:47am, and he heard more alleged music from the Doctors. He needed to ask the Doctor-one of them, anyway-to check on the TARDIS soundproofing.

Then he remembered he was in his own bed. At home. They hadn’t gone anywhere in the TARDIS because the Doctors were too busy with their band. All week he and the kids had been trying to entertain Clara and Bill, which was not an easy task. They couldn’t go back to their timestream on their own, and they also couldn’t go back to London in 2019. Something about temporal disruption; he didn’t quite follow it. The ladies found Sheffield rather unimpressive, compared to the rest of the universe.

It sounded like the noise was coming from his basement.

He threw on slippers and a robe to investigate. He stopped in Ryan’s room and found him still in bed, snoring. That boy could sleep through anything. Downstairs, he found three Doctors fiddling with their instruments. His blood boiled. They’d never asked to set up shop in his _house_. What were they doing here?

“Hi Graham!” Thirteen smiled and waved. “Come to watch?”

“Why are you in my basement at 2 in the morning?!” he shouted.

“We don’t need to sleep much. Might as well rehearse,” she said. 

“But why can’t you rehearse in the TARDIS? You know, where you have space, equipment, noise containment….”

“Well, the thing about that is...” Eleven looked at the ground. “She kicked us out.”

“Over the noise?”

“No! Yes, probably.” He admitted. 

“And why did you decide to come into my house without asking?!” His face reddened.

“If you really wanted to keep us out, Graham, you should have deadlocked your doors.” Thirteen said.

“I have no idea what that is, but I am a human, and I need to sleep. Can you take this racket elsewhere?!?!”

“Okay, we’ll take a break until dawn.” Thirteen held up an empty carton. “By the way, you’re out of biscuits.”

Without another word, Graham stomped upstairs, fuming.

“I can still practice my triangle solo!” Eleven exclaimed. “That’s quiet!”

“For the last time, you’re not doing a triangle solo.” Twelve grumbled. “There’s never been a triangle solo in any recorded music in history. Do you know why? Because a triangle solo is stupid!”

“Triangles are cool!” he retorted.

Twelve put his guitar in its stand. “The old human is right, you know. I mean, I know I sound good, and Chinny sounds good, and Blondie can sing, but we just don’t sound good together. And we should, because we’re all the same person.”

“We’re missing somethin’” Thirteen agreed. “But what?”

The three of them had the idea at the same time:

“More Doctors.”

—

“They sound worse. How can they sound worse?!” Bill sighed.

Once the TARDIS let them back in, Thirteen had pulled two more Doctors out of their timestreams to join the band. Clara identified them as Seven and Two. They’d brought their companions with them, who’d introduced themselves as Jamie, Zoe, and Ace. All of the humans were sitting in the rehearsal space, where they’d been voluntold to give a review of the Doctors’ performance. At the moment, they’d been spared from a further assault on their ears because the Doctors were arguing amongst themselves. Again.

“Not only are they not playing the same song, they’re not playing the same style of music.” Yaz pointed out. “Thirteen is singing a pop song, Two is playing a traditional ballad on the recorder, Twelve is doing punk riffs, I have no idea what Eleven’s doing…”

“It’s called electrokint. It’s huge in the 35th century.” Eleven called. “Don’t you have any culture?”

Yaz rolled her eyes and continued. “And Seven…was the song he was singing earlier from _The Hobbit_? They’re all such dorks! Look at all those question marks he’s wearing!”

“I heard that!” Twelve scowled at them. “Don’t knock the question marks. I’ve got them on my underwear.” He went back to tuning his guitar.

Ryan smirked. “Yaz, does our Doctor have question marks on her underwear?”

“Shut up, Ryan!” Yaz gave him a shove. “So, anything we can do to get them to get them to sound better?” 

“Maybe they need some bagpipes.” Jamie volunteered. 

“Noooo.” Clara wrinkled her nose. “This lot is Scottish enough as it is.”

“Problem is,” Said Zoe. “They’ve all got such huge egos, they don’t want to listen to each other. They’ve spent half their time fighting.”

A cacophony of sound burst forth, and everyone covered their ears. Except for Graham, who had put in earplugs and was blissfully reading the newspaper.

“Ugh, I can’t take much more of this!” Ace said. “How many hours of this do we have left?”

“Too many,” Bill said. “By the way, I love your outfit. Hella vintage.”

“Yours is rad.” Ace grinned. “Can I come to the pub with you and Ryan tonight?”

“You two are going to the pub?” asked Yaz.

“Yeah. We we went the last couple nights.” Ryan said. “Bill is giving me great tips on talking to girls.”

“And how is that going?” asked Clara.

He hung his head. “Not very well.” The women giggled. 

The Doctors approached them. “We have exciting news for you!” Thirteen announced. “We’ve decided to…Graham? Pay attention!”

Ryan tugged at his shirt sleeve. “Granddad?” Graham sighed and pulled out his earplugs.

Thirteen continued. “Anyway, we’ve include you in the band…as back up singers!”

The companions reacted with a mixture of confusion and horror. “Umm..thanks?” Zoe said cautiously.

“Look at them. So ungrateful.” Two moaned.

Eleven scoffed. “I told you we should have gotten Sandshoes. He would have brought Rose; she’s a good singer.”

“Not worth it. He would have spent the whole time doing his hair,” said Twelve. 

“The temporal probe has enough strain on it as it is. Bringing another Doctor would cause it to overload,” Thirteen said.

Twelve nodded in agreement. “Anyway, humans, start practicing your scales. We’ll be doing our first concert in two days. Don’t embarrass us.”

“A huge intergalactic extravaganza!” Seven proclaimed. “Twenty planets and billions of people!” 

When they’d gone back to attempting to play, Clara said, “Okay, we need to stop this. Now. Options?” 

“I have an idea,” said Zoe. “Thirteen mentioned she was using a temporal probeto pull us from our time streams. If we could disable it somehow, we’d all go back to our respective time streams. No more band!”

Bill smiled. “That’s fantastic! But how do we get to it?”

Zoe frowned. “It’s probably either the console room or the engine room. We’ll have to find out from her exactly where it is.”

Ryan nudged Yaz. “Have her to show you. She’ll do anything for her girlfriend.”

“For the last time, she’s not my girlfriend!” Yaz replied.

“Yeah she is. And she’ll definitely show you anything you want. With me she’s all like ‘Don’t touch that!’ and with you she’s like ‘Yaz, you can have the whole universe.’”

“Enough arguing! It’s bad enough we have to deal with it from them!” Zoe said. “Anyway, once we figure out where the temporal probe is, we need to figure out how to destroy it.” 

“Need explosives? I’ve got ya covered!” Ace thrust her hand into her pocket. “Should have something right..here!” 

“Perfect!” Zoe said. “I’ll do some calculations to make sure we don’t damage anything else. The rest of you, keep the Doctors busy.”

—

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to play your concert, Doctor.” Ryan tried to sound as sincere as he could as they enjoyed their breakfast in 19th century France.

“It’s all right.” She sighed, fidgeting with her croissant. “Still can’t figure out why the temporal probe exploded. Good thing it didn’t happen while we were down in the engine room, Yaz.”

“Yeah. Good thing.” She tried to keep a straight face. While Ace planted a Nitro-9 canister on the probe, Yaz had kept the Doctor distracted by asking her more questions about the TARDIS inner workings. There’d been a bit of a fire in the engine room, but otherwise everything had gone to plan. “At least now we can get back to seeing the universe.”

“But you are going to clean up my house, right Doc?” Graham was on his second helping of crepes. “You and your other selves trashed my basement pretty well.”

“It’s rock star stuff, Graham.” She waved him off. 

Ryan reached into his coat pocket. “Before I forget, I have a little present for you.” He handed an envelope to her. “I thought you might like to go to a concert, since yours was canceled.”

“Oh, brilliant!” She looked at the tickets. “Tegan and Sara? Never heard of them. I knew a Tegan once. If I rebuild the temporal probe I could introduce you to her…”

“No, that’s all right.” Ryan said abruptly. “Anyway, I was only able to get two tickets, and this isn’t really my style of music, or Granddad’s, so I thought you and Yaz could go.”

“Sure, I’d love to go to a concert with Yaz!” she grinned. “After we see the Eiffel Tower dedication, which should be happening soon. Did you know Alexandre Eiffel was a werewolf? Funny story…”

As she chattered on, Ryan whispered to Yaz. “Enjoy your date.”

“It’s not a date.” She whispered back, but her smile was irrepressible.


End file.
